Having an anxiety disorder means that I do not just have a lot of feelings, I have feelings about my feelings. I worry that my feelings aren’t real or that my feelings about my feelings are the correct feelings, or my feelings are the wrong feelings. I have shame about my feelings, guilt about my feelings, anger about my feelings. Sometimes I wonder which feeling is real – the initial feeling or the resulting feeling? Am I making myself feel this way or do I just feel this way?
I thought, "For how long will I be like this?" I almost lost hope in humanity, people always say "Look at the bright side" and I hated it. And then one of my sensible friends told me, I need to rest properly after many years of having anxiety at night, she then referred me to City Osteopathy here in Singapore, she told me it would help and well, I thought what would I lose?
How grave was my anxiety that I resorted to physical therapy?
I am always looking for patterns. I thrive on routine. Anything to make me feel less trapped or like I have control. My best friend dying in high school threw this desire for control into overdrive. I can’t enjoy concerts or festivals or bars because there are too many people – what if there’s a fire? What if someone starts shooting? Will I get crushed to death in the inevitable stampede?
One time in high school my friend spent the night, sleeping on my floor directly underneath the ceiling fan. I could not sleep for hours because I imagined what I would do if the ceiling fan suddenly collapsed. I went over the plan, again and again, all night long. I love my friends, and I know, intellectually, my friends like me (otherwise why would they hang out with me). But I am constantly worried they do not like me, or that I’m being annoying, or that they only invite me around because I am just that friend that’s always around who you cannot get rid of.
Aeroplanes are a problem. I travel a lot for work. My aeroplane routine is thus: pack efficiently at least two days prior. Select an odd-numbered window seat even though it’s farther back in the plane. I wear my aeroplane sweater, the same sweater I have worn on every flight for the last four to five years and take anti-anxiety medications.
What is cranial osteopathy?
When my anti-anxiety medication seemed to be in a loop, I then heeded my friend's advice. I went to the osteopathic treatment centre in Singapore where she referred me to and underwent a quick diagnosis as to which service would suit my medical needs the best.
I got cranial osteopathy to help me cope with my anxiety, however, for someone like me, I was more than curious what it really is.
Cranial osteopathy in Singapore is a subtle form of osteopathic treatment that uses very gentle pressure to encourage the release of stresses throughout the body. It is called 'cranial' because treatment often involves the head, although other parts of the body such as the spine and tailbone can also be involved. A cranial osteopath can feel the very small fluctuations of movement within the body called involuntary motion. To the osteopath, this feels like a gentle expansion and contraction of all the tissues, occurring 7 – 14 times a minute. This involuntary motion can be easily disturbed by any form of trauma, such as a difficult birth, a car accident, knocks and falls and general illness. Gradually the body may accumulate these strains to the point that symptoms start to show.
Most of us have been exposed to physical trauma at some stage in our life. The body may have coped well at first, but occasionally a lasting strain remains like with me. Gradually the accumulation of strains may start to show. Mechanical problems can lead not only to aches and pains in joints and muscles, but also disturbances in the internal organs and the way they work. All of which is true however, with me, the trauma came in the form of anxiety.
Afterwards what happened to me?
After two to three weeks of sessions, the usual pain that I feel in my crown when having anxiety attacks lessened until it was gone. My anxiety episodes too are all lessening by and by.
My anxiety attacks usually peak within ten minutes, and they rarely last more than thirty minutes. But during that short time, I experience terror so severe that I feel as if I am about to die or totally lose control. All of these nightmares started to recede, I get better sleep at night and honestly, it improved my moods. I guess my therapist was right, my brain is already too much stressed out hence the many strains he felt and fixed.
If you are interested to know where this osteopathic centre in Singapore is, check their website and let them help you with the anxiety or discomfort you are feeling.
